Giving up on a dream

One of my dreams was something that I thought was very simple.  I’ve heard most people would want to go to Europe whereas I think I can enjoy it from a book (for now.)  I only want to go to Japan — just around a few thousand miles from where I live.

I actually know why I’m fascinated with Japan.  Everything about it is everything that I love — a mixture of culture and technology, fashion and culture, hard-edge corporate worklife and wacky, shallow fun.

And that’s really what I am.  I have visited it in a dream and I believed that I can achieve it because, isn’t that why we have a God who “gives you the desires of your heart?”

I thought it was quite easy to achieve.  In fact, that it was in the bag this year!  I purposed it in my heart that I would achieve this dream by God’s effortless grace this year.  I am certain of this too because I was so sure of it — the place where I work was having a junket in that place.

My heart got excited.  I thought that I would not be destined to go but after talking about it for months, I got reassigned precisely to the function that handles that junket.  What favor, right?  It was so in the bag.

Or so I thought.

So many things which I thought were unjust but bottomline was that — I end up not going.   There were reasons that are justifiable but many reasons I believe that were not.  But at the end of it all, I cried and was crushed.

I never expected anyone at work to care.  One was supposed to be professional. But let me tell you though what I realized at the end of it all.

Clearly this dream was grabbing a hold of me.  I could hear God through my tears telling me, “Hey… don’t you think that I can give you so much more?”

My grief was tearing me from the truth that I knew before I even started — God is the God of the impossible.  It does not end here.  God can give so much more.

It seems so easy on hindsight, you know… but it’s just so disappointing.  I knew all this!  I knew God can give me so much more than what I am expecting!  But I was still crying because I was so disappointed with the unfair decision and I was still crushed.

Feelings are always different from faith.  But I am certain that after some time, maybe next month, my feelings would have changed but the faith would still remain because it will still propel me towards reaching for this same dream.  It is not impossible.  It only takes around $1000 to make this happen and my God is bigger than that.

Later on, I could hear God telling me, “Give it to her! (my boss)  Show me that you are not attached to Japan but you are attached to me.”

I’ve heard this before, “Get attached to the Source, not the resource.”
I can tell you now that I was still crying over this.  I know I’ll be done soon.  And I don’t care if I am crying over what seems like a silly thing because I allow myself to do that.  But once the sulking is over, I’m going to walk away from this resource and run straight to the Source!

To a new year of added blessings, revelations and uh… love? (yes, love!)

Wow… it really felt like it was yesterday that I put up an entry about a new year of open doors (even when it seemed at that time, I had none.)

The blessings of course kept coming simply because I know I have a God who ensured that it did.  And bad things also came because I knew that someone else prevented me from going towards my dream.

But here I am — still blessed and ultimately… greatly even more blessed.  I am assured of this because I believe in it so… Jesus himself assured it.

I just re-learned a few things.  By re-learn, I meant that I had heard of these things before but only realized them later when they became real to me.  One of them is that, “courage is not the absence of fear.  Courage is what happens when you do things inspite of your fear.”

I think this kind of re-learning is important as this new year comes.  There certainly will be things that I must do which will definitely make my life better than ever, but I will be afraid to do them.  But I will have to use courage to crush down all the stupid expectations and exaggerated imaginations with real hope and courage.

Along with that, I hope to increase my wardrobe because good appearances come with increased territories.

And as with increased territories, let me share with you what Pastor Paul Chase, pastor of New Life Church, has shared:

Vision is bigger than ambition.  Ambition can be accomplished with good planning, resources and it can be accomplished without God.  Your vision may be bigger than you think.  You may be astounded as to how in the world you can do it, but that’s why it’s a vision — you can’t do it without God.  A vision from God is selfless.  It is for good.  God will do the harder part and our part is to believe.

For this year, go on and do your vision.  It is way bigger than what you can imagine but it’ll be exciting to know what you’ll be working with God on it.

Maid of honor — part deux

It’s actually my fourth time.  Ze part quatre… as the French would say.

I was actually able to relate with Katherine Heigl’s movie, 28 Dresses.  You know that scene where she was uncomfortably (yet genuisly) assisting the bride do #1 in the toilet?  I did that in a tight dress and 4 inch heels too!

I was actually wondering how my life would be like as a movie.  But it seems Hollywood already beat me to it, except of course they exaggerated the details in order for it to do well in the box office.  (haha.)

Well, seriously now.  I am wondering when my turn would come.

I have grandiose ideas that include a ceremony in some sort of wild meadow plus fireworks against the blue moon.  (I deleted the ones where I had a long fur train and a tiara.  And also that horse-driven coach… I’m not 12 anymore and it’s like sooo ’80s!)

I also have this idea that when I do get into it, I would probably say, “Ok.  This is it?”  All this life long preparation for one day?  But right now, I’m thinking all the fuss is all worth it.  I’ll think about that hindsight thought when the situation to actually be entitled to that hindsight thought happens!

And at the same time,  I remain hopeful because I know that God knows the desires of my heart.  And I know that God has already prepared it.  Grace already did it and it included even this simple thing of wanting to marry a man after God’s own heart who I really think is not only great, but quite hot too.  (at least in my eyes, never mind the others.)

I have just got to be open.  (And I am actually open.  I swear it.)

But for right now, it’s my fourth dress.  I get to wear plum.  I joked to the bride to be that we’ll be Christmas grapes during her December wedding.  Then of course I told her that I am happy that God put together a great tandem.  I am so looking forward to see it happen before my very eyes.

Then now of course, I am busy planning the bridal shower.  Any crazy (yet wholesome) ideas out there?  So far, I’ve instructed everyone to bring very good lingerie for gifts.

How to make connections

Do you want to be well-connected?

I just wrapped up an event earlier for an art exhibit that my company hosted.  All the great artists were there and so were their patrons.  While I’m not the star of that show, I thought that I could just go and introduce myself (which was what exactly happened).

As expected, some people were cordial and some weren’t.  But that’s ok.  I was making connections.  I thought that while I’m in this line of work now, I would make my own connections which I could then take advatange of later.

Then I realized that when I tried hard to do that, it just … well, it’s just hard.  Not that I don’t think we shouldn’t go out of our way and greet people to make some connections but I realized the practical aspect of this verse:

A man’s gift makes room for him And brings him before great men. – Proverbs 18:16

All of us have a gift given to us by God to achieve a purpose.  That gift already brings us before kings… before great men.   We don’t really have to try so hard.

Just last weekend, I helped close a deal with a manager of big rock star for a concert we’re doing for church.  (Few know that this rock star is a Christian.)  I got to know the manager through a friend inside church and most of the negotiation was done through text.  There was not much effort in that at all.  Yet I seem to struggle with talking to people in this posh art exhibit where I’m part of the sponsors.

I realized that when I make connections for myself, I feel the pressure of making them simply because they’re for me.  There’s not much great or tangible benefit.  But when I focus on a greater purpose, the connections themselves come to me.  The connections look for me.  The connections make way for me.  God’s gift brings me to great men.

Do you want to be well-connected to great men?  It’s a great advantage, isn’t it?  Then, don’t focus on making the connections.  Focus on the purpose.  Focus on your goal.  Focus on the calling that God called you to do and the gift He gave inside of you will become so glaringly obvious and attractive to everyone that it will bring you before all great men.

Voting the good

Things are happening at a speed right now where there is much cause for alarm and sadness.  The news in America is very sad.

But I do hope that America votes for a president show is clear with the values that founded America in the first place and not on values that changed along with the times… just for the sake of change.  And a serious president with a clear foreign policy not a changing one.  (Well, the platform of “Change” seems to coincide with this.)

I am not an American so I don’t have a say in the vote.  But it has been a concern of mine, I guess, because America still has the most number of missionaries sending to the world.  I think this country deserves a lot of prayer.

Fashion is getting too forward

On the lighter side of things, I come browsing through Vogue’s Style.com and saw that their observations from all the Spring 2009 fashions have come forward and they have analyzed the trends just when I have begun to stock on some plum and florals for the fall season.

Well, okay… so where I live, we don’t have four seasons but this doesn’t stop me from following fashion trends the way it’s being led by these four seasons now, right?

Guys probably won’t understand… or maybe other women for that matter.  But to me, fashion is art that you wear and I am one of those who take that seriously.  How serious you might ask?  Well… the fall trends each year is my favorite — the colors are richer and the designs get too imaginative with big accessories, big boots, animal prints, fur, etc.  People just cover up for fall and winter whereas the spring/summer ones are light and breezy.  But alas… it only lasts for a brief moment and then the spring/summer fashions are here again.

I have friends and family who live in countries where four seasons exist, and like everybody else, they look forward to the spring/summer seasons where they drop their Uggs and easily slip into a dress and Havaianas.  I probably am not like everyone else.  But at least, I got to see Vogue’s observations for Spring 2009 trends and liked some.

Check out these two choices.

Florals are classic and are always a spring staple

Geometric prints are back!

There were other fashion choices which I feel are not for everyone.  The statement pants which are tapered to the knee will make my huge hips look bigger, while the ‘Results Dress’ look really good but going around too bandaged will make me get off my weekly ice cream reward.  (so that’s a dealbreaker!)

Questioning everything you believe in

Here’s the thing I don’t get.  I’ve met some critics who have questioned about “my choice of faith” (as though it’s something taken out of an airline menu — “Chicken or fish?” “Atheism or Christianity?  … with a side order of agnosticism?”)

If my life had been a piece of romantic fiction

It would’ve looked good or felt good in hindsight… having all the adventure and overwhelming passions of love in between being saved from one tragedy to the next.

But really, when you look at old people who are best friends even after saying “I do” for more than forty or fifty years, and you see them lounging on the porch holding hands on a very cool afternoon, they probably were thinking, “I am so very blessed to have made it to this porch with you after all that!”

Old folks happily married sitting on a porch holding hands probably sounds cheesy and boring than being saved from the fire, scheming and jealous hot ex-girlfriends, and being drowned just to reveal your knight in shining armor.

But all that adventure may just look good for novels.  You’d want to get to your relationship and end up in peace… not in pieces.  That kind of peace that the Bible says, “transcends all understanding” because you know that marriage is not going to be a perfectly happy Disney story every single day of your life, but you will have the divine strength from above to decide that whatever happens, you have the mettle to stick with that one person who can go through the storm with you.

Do it. Today.

I not been much of a risk taker.  I wanted to make sure that before I took any step, go through any investment or enter into any relationship … that everything should be ironed out.  Or perfect… if it’s not too much to ask.

But I realized that while ensuring these conditions first are wise, taking too much time in them causes too much analysis and too much delays.

Going towards my vision – Part 2 (Which pond are you swimming in?)

Someone once told me that it is better to stay in a big corporate multinational company than stay in a small startup enterprise because, “It is better to be a small fish in a big pond than be the big fish in a small pond.”

Well after much thought, I think that it can be better to stay in a small pond as long as that’s the pond where God wants you to be in.  Otherwise, it’ll be futile to swim in a big pond where you get bumped off by other big fishes who could block your resources to becoming a big fish as well.

If you however are one of those people tasked by God to stay in that big pond now that you’re a small fish.  Don’t fret.  God is going to ensure your growth in that pond.

The important thing is that you know where God is placing you and you are willing to swim in it.

“Where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint.”
– Proverbs 29:18

It is important that you don’t cast off restraint because you don’t want to regret anything later on when you’ve had the opportunity to seize it.  It’s another thing to live life not knowing there were actually opportunities.  But knowing that there were opportunities and you didn’t get around to getting them is another thing altogether.

As a Christian, it’s impossible not to know that you have the right opportunities available to you.  Why?  Because God is not selfish not to reveal them because He has designed you for success.

Do you know which pond you are destined to be in?  Ask God now.  And swim freely!